Glossary of Idiot Medicine

Artery.......................Study of paintings
Bacteria.....................Back door to a cafeteria
Barium.......................What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel........................A letter like A, E, I, O, or U
Caesarean Section............A district in Rome
Catarrh......................Stringed instrument
Cat Scan.....................Searching for kitty
Cauterize....................Made eye contact with her
Colic........................A sheep dog
Coma.........................A punctuation mark
Congenital...................Friendly
D&C..........................Where Washington is
Dilate.......................To live long
Enema........................Not a friend
Fester.......................Quicker
Fibula.......................Small lie
Grippe.......................Suit case
Hangnail.....................Coat hook
High Colonic.................Jewish religious holiday
Impotent.....................Distinguished; well known
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff................Doctor's cane
Morbid.......................Higher offer
Nitrate......................Cheaper than a day rate
Node.........................Was aware of
Outpatient...................Person who has fainted
Papsmear.....................Fatherhood test
Pelvis.......................Cousin of Elvis
Postoperative................Letter carrier
Prostate.....................Flat on your back
Recovery Room................Place to do upholestry
Rectum.......................Dang near killed him
Rheumatic....................Amourous
Secretion....................Hiding something
Seizure......................Roman emperor
Tablet.......................A small table
Tumor........................More than one
Urine........................Opposite of "You're Out"
Varicose.....................Near by
Vein.........................Conceited